No justified resentments
The idea of being mean to someone because they’re mean to you feels so unconscious, childish.
Instead of “I’m gonna be mean and ugly to you because you’re mean and ugly to me”, it’s “I’m choosing different.” Don’t become what you hate.
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“There are no justified resentments.
You must send blame out of your life for any conditions of your life. Blame has to go. It’s mine, I take responsibility for it. If I think someone else caused it, then I’ve got to wait for someone else to change. And you might wait forever for that. But if I take responsibility for it, I can do something, including move on, which might be the most important thing to do.
At the higher level, where there are no justified resentments, you’re at a place where you’re sending love in response to hate.
If you become steadfast in your abstentions of thoughts of harm directed towards others, all living creatures will cease to feel enmity in your presence.
Reach that place where the only thing you have to send is love, because that’s what’s inside. And that’s the message of our greatest spiritual teachers–that’s all they’ve ever had to give away.
Love is my gift to the world. I fill myself with love, and I send that love out into the world. How others treat me is their path; how I react is mine.”
—Wayne Dyer
Judgment
When you’re unconscious, judgment feels like relief—it vents your discomfort and pins it on someone else.
But with awareness, it feels toxic, like a hangover.
I’ve had to step back from judgment-heavy relationships. Now I’m practicing staying present without absorbing it, and I feel visceral relief with people who are also working on calling out their own bullshit.
I recommend this book
Violence
Pain wants compassion. Pain, which comes from fear, energetically comes back into balance with its opposite: love.
“If ‘violent’ means acting in ways that results in hurt or harm, then much of how we communicate could indeed be called ‘violent’ communication.”
–Marshall B. Rosenberg
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I highly recommend this book
Hell is…
feeling victimized, blaming others, taking things personally → you’re hostage to others
not trusting anyone → you isolate and call it safety
not trusting yourself → you outsource your power
not being present → life is happening but you’re not really there or engaged
trying to control things you can’t → you get frustrated with no way out
paralyzing / avoidance-causing perfectionism → ego-driven fear disguised as standards (or as Liz Gilbert described, “I think perfectionism is just fear in fancy shoes and a mink coat, pretending to be elegant when actually it's just terrified. Because underneath that shiny veneer, perfectionism is nothing more that a deep existential angst that says, again and again, 'I am not good enough and I will never be good enough.”)
Words are bridges
If we listen to each other
And pause before we speak
Maybe that’s the space
Where our hearts can meet
From my song “Written in the Stars.”
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Kindness is truth
“Genuine kindness is sincere, and sincerity requires honesty and truth.
Kindness is also essential for truth because it allows us to be open to new ideas and perspectives. When we are kind to others, we are more likely to listen to them and try to understand their point of view. When we are truthful, we accept others as they are without trying to manipulate or control them, which is kindness. In this way, being truthful is an act of kindness.”
—Interfaith, “where people respect, relate, and cooperate across difference”
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Criticism
“People judge what challenges their worldview. And their reaction is more about them regulating or not regulating their own emotions, than about who you are or what you do.
Criticism reveals way more about them than about you.”
It is vulnerable and brave to share your first steps of a journey. It is not something everyone is willing to do. So your freedom to show up imperfectly may trigger people who want to, but are blocked by perfectionistic tendencies. Their discomfort/envy might get projected onto you as criticism. The ones who are trying to police you police themselves.
Take what’s useful, leave the rest, and keep showing up imperfectly.
