Existential Crisis

Today was a bit rough.

I was working on my Precision Nutrition certification (I have a lofty goal to finish by next Sunday, instead of my original deadline of mid-February 2018, since I'd like to finish it and be able to focus on app development). I was reading through the chapter on how to categorize clients as Level 1, 2, or 3. Level 1 corresponds to what we call Phase 1 at Adaptive Nutrition, which is approximating portion sizes of protein, carbs, and fat according to the size of your palm, fist, and thumb, respectively.

The textbook kept emphasizing that 90-95% of clients will not need to graduate past that phase, which made me hesitate - is our program too unnecessarily advanced for most clients?

It also mentioned that Levels 2 and 3 are for those who have specific training or body composition goals, but that these levels are short-term strategies, that staying there long-term can create disordered eating and an unhealthy relationship with food. Are we feeding into that problem with our program by having people weigh and measure their food?

How do we create an app that supports sustainable eating and health - both physically and mentally? Did Precision Nutrition already think about this, and that's why they went the route of teaching nutrition to coaches instead?

I've been weighing and measuring my food for years...do I have disordered eating? Am I overly committed to improving in the gym and getting my food right? Will I look back in years as an older and wiser person and think that what I'm doing now is overkill?

In addition, we pushed a major release of the app yesterday, and I had to do damage control today. Considering the amount of changes made + the fact that I'm the only developer on this project, I think it went relatively well.

However it's always quite stressful hearing that people are having issues and trying to solve them immediately. I think I'm getting better at managing it.

I sent an email outlining the app updates to our list of ~350 people. Many of those people are friends and acquaintances, so I was a little disheartened that only two people gave me feedback that they liked the updates (shoutout to Erik and RJ <3).

I felt apathy creep up on me as the day progressed in a way I haven't felt in a while and wasn't sure if I was in a good mindset to go workout (I ended up going and was glad I did).

At the end of the night as Tyler and I sat on the dining room floor with our pup, I told him about my existential crises of the day; how the ideas in the Precision Nutrition textbook are making me question our program and business model, how I'm questioning my nutrition and workout routine, how I feel disconnected because none of my friends understand or recognize what I'm doing in creating the app, how I wish I didn't need the acknowledgment or recognition for it but can't help it.

All of these thoughts resonated deeply with Tyler. He and Ian have had years of experience in feeling unappreciated for what they do running the gym. But he pointed out that it's hard for others to recognize the work, the stress, the late nights, the doubt that goes into running your own business, if they haven't been there themselves.

Regarding my questions about our program, he said we can't answer the questions without first asking them.

He assured me that he recognizes what I'm doing, and for now I think that's all that matters.

I think today was an important part of making progress.