Taking responsibility = power
Why: When you hand responsibility to (a.k.a. blame) other people or circumstances for the challenges you face, you give away your power—including your power to change what’s going on.
Whether it’s self-care habits or conflicts with others, giving others the steering wheel prevents you from getting where you want.
Sometimes blame feels better because our ego hates being wrong. But it actually feels better to drop the fight, be honest, and get back in the driver’s seat.
Blaming or complaining can also subconsciously signal to others weakness, a lack of integrity, or being out of control. This is why taking responsibility is an especially important trait of a strong leader. A good book to learn more about this concept is Extreme Ownership by former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink.
Of course, there are legitimately challenging people or circumstances you might be dealing with, and it can be tricky to know how much responsibility to take.
In relationships, this is where empathy comes in. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and earnestly look at the situation from their point of view—how would you feel?
With habits, this is where the power of choice comes in. Where can you make a different choice? What do you have control over, even if inconvenient or challenging?
Examples of how we give our power/responsibility away:
“It’s just my age / genetics” → avoiding changes in nutrition, movement, sleep, or stress because improvement feels inconvenient or uncertain
“They made me react that way” → avoiding looking at boundaries, communication, or patterns you keep participating in
“I don’t have time / money / energy” → not taking charge of how your time, money, or energy are actually being spent
“This is just how I am” → protecting an identity instead of evolving
“Once things calm down, I’ll focus on my health” → outsourcing your well-being to a future that never arrives
Remember, you are SO much more powerful than you think. And sometimes holding that much power can be uncomfortable! But the more you own it, the more you access. 💗
Why: I notice when I hand responsibility to (a.k.a. blame) other people or circumstances for the challenges I face, I give away my power—including the power to change what’s going on.
Whether it’s self-care habits or conflicts with others, giving others the power to dictate your actions prevents you from getting where you want.
Sometimes blame can feel better because our ego hates being wrong and, especially if it’s feeling insecure, will do anything to make itself look like the good guy. But it actually feels better to drop the fight, be honest, and get back in the driver’s seat.
Blaming or complaining can also signal to others weakness, a lack of integrity, or being out of control. This is why it’s especially important for leaders to be good at taking responsibility. A good book on this concept is Extreme Ownership by former Navy SEAL Jocko Willink.
Of course, there are legitimately challenging people or circumstances you might be dealing with, and it can be tricky to know how much responsibility to take.
In relationships, this is where empathy comes in. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and earnestly look at the situation from their point of view—how would you feel?
With habits, this is where the power of choice comes in. Where can you make a different choice? What do you have control over, even if it’s inconvenient or seemingly small?
Examples of giving your power away:
“It’s just my age / genetics” → avoiding changes in nutrition, movement, sleep, or stress because improvement feels inconvenient or not guaranteed
“They made me react that way” → avoiding looking at boundaries, communication, or patterns you keep participating in
“I don’t have time / money / energy” → not taking charge of how your time, money, or energy are being spent
“This is just how I am” → protecting an identity instead of evolving it
“Once things calm down, I’ll focus on my health” → outsourcing your well-being to a future that never arrives
Remember, you are SO much more powerful than you think. And sometimes holding that power can be uncomfortable! But the more you own it, the more you access. 💗
Relational trauma is healed in relationships
Why: We can do a lot on our own, but healing has a ceiling when we stay isolated.
The real work is stepping back into where it started: relationships.
Through active listening, curiosity, and empathy, we rewrite old patterns together.
Find the people who help you feel safe and supported again — without them, it’s easy to shut down and call it self-protection.
Set boundaries with those who can’t meet you there yet. If they’re still not friends with their own pain, they won’t know how to be friendly with yours either.
Finding your people takes trial and error. Keep going!
Why: We can do a lot on our own, but healing has a ceiling when we stay isolated.
The real work is stepping back into where it started: relationships.
Through active listening, curiosity, and empathy, we rewrite old patterns together.
Find the people who help you feel safe and supported again — without them, it’s easy to shut down and call it self-protection.
Set boundaries with those who can’t meet you there yet. If they’re still not friends with their own pain, they won’t know how to be friendly with yours either.
Finding your people takes trial and error. Keep going!